~practice letting go~

I have had this idea for a while, to take a picture of Jack and Ben from the side in the fall, blowing the white, aged dandelion blossoms into the sky. Now that I have Callen, the picture has evolved to all three boys. Of course, I need the proper camera...and the lighting must be just right. I will blow this picture up to ginormous and mount it on canvas. Then the vinyl lettering will spill to the right of this picture and say 'practice letting go'.. The vision in my head may never appear on my wall, but the concept resides in my heart. I dropped Jack and Ben off at 'school' today. I left them there and came home with my one year old baby...I can't stop thinking about them. They will be at school for six hours, SIX hours is a lifetime when you're living it moment by moment, when you have been their teacher for all their lives and now they have someone new to call 'teacher'. My heart aches with change, with growth, with letting go. This has not been an easy concept..as we were driving to school this morning Jack was pained with anxiety...would there be a bully, would he have anywhere to sit, what if he didn't know how to do what the teacher asked him.... Ben was picking his nose and looking out the window. I wanted to slam on the brakes, turn around. They are not ready for school...they are not ready to be away from me for this long; socially, emotionally...even physically considering the poor manners I was witnessing in the back seat. Then it hit me: they are not mine. This is a step toward their future independence. They may be without me for six hours but they are never without God. Practice letting go. Trust Him...

::my most enchanted summer::

The first day of homeschooling is complete. Which means...summer is over. But there are vestiges right out my door; I will probably be watering my plants through October. My beautiful sister's wedding reception loveliness still spills out into my yard. I am actively soaking up every bit of late summer beauty. My Callen baby turned one, both my sisters moved far away, my sweet niece Avy was born. I can't remember a summer this intense, this busy, this joyful. It is a captured time of change tinged with memories bittersweet and lovely. I want to hold on and not let it go.

Budding Life

This tree lives across my street and the weather behind it is indicative of this spring...gloomy. This spring, I am watching this tree everyday for the life that is sprouting from it because this spring that life represents hope in a very personal way. The neighbor who lived in that house passed away on Good Friday, which was also her birthday. Her life and her presence made an impact here that is heavily felt as loss. She remodeled her yard, paid big money to landscape 3 years ago, because as she said, "why not!" she paid extra for this tree to be a bigger, more mature version of itself so that in 3 years {rather than 10} it would be a stunner. That year is here and she isn't here to enjoy the budding branches. But I am. It is hard to be left behind with memories and an ache in my heart. This sweet neighbor may have accepted Jesus in the last minutes of her life, she may be dancing in heaven right now with beautiful spring unfolding in perfection...can you even imagine it?

Regardless of the weather that is ushering this next season, those branches continue to produce green buds that are beginning to unfurl their beauty. I am so grateful for the small quiet gifts of beauty that God gives us in this imperfect world, rememberances of grace and a foretaste of the majesty to come.