Little boys who become men

We are in our third, of most likely 4, weeks living away from home...
I have tried hard to disengage. I have found that focusing on that which I cannot control and do not desire intermixed with all the hormones of pregnancy is an ugly combination. For the past two weeks we have been at my mother-in-law's while my husband slaves away utilizing every spare moment he has to rebuild/remodel our only bathroom. We have been blessed with tremendous help and luxurious accommodations. I am encouraged daily to sleep in, nap, put my feet up and relish the air conditioning. My boys are spoiled and thoroughly enjoyed. The company of my mother-in-law is delightful and thoughtful. My heart is so grateful. I fight hard the moments I want to have a tantrum and insist that despite all the subtle blessings this isn't exactly what I had planned and wanted. I have noticed the boys' fight their own emotional insecurities as well; I have seen them victorious and I have seen them vulnerable. Perhaps its the stockpile of noticing that jarred me into a new gear, a gear that screams to engage....ENGAGE...a baby is coming, life is rolling on whether I want to allow it to or not. My little boys are bigger boys this summer, these have been hazy, drifting thoughts as I spread sunscreen on their broader shoulders and taller torsoes. My life has gotten much, much easier; the boys can buckle their own seatbelts, brush their own teeth, wipe their own bottoms...they are each other's best friends and entertain each other all day long. They look out for me, they open doors for me, carry my bags and cover me with a coveted blanket if I fall asleep for an unexpected nap. I am their princess...I am the woman in their life. I have heard it whispered that I am the example they will follow when they are ready to marry. Have I taken this seriously? My affection is equated with approval in their little hearts...do I give it? There will come a day when I am no longer their princess...there will come a day when I will have to let go...do I live with this reality? Or am I so focused on myself that I forget the magnitude and privilege of the role God has laid out for me? Living in my mother-in-law's home, I am surrounded with the little boy-ness of my husband, who was once a boy whose princess was his mom...there are framed crayon pictures hanging on the walls...in her jewelry box a ceramic beaded necklace he crafted for her.....the ashes he saved in an old tupperware container from Mount St. Helens, preserved on a shelf....his old, battered paper airplane book safely tucked away...each year's baseball jersey saved as a precious momento. This home is full of memories of a boy I did not know who became a man that joined his life to mine. The little boy earnestness and diligence and affection are her memories, gifts that she alone was the recipient of and built into the man who is now mine. Do I appreciate the preciousness of that gift? No, I have not. I feel like I have come smacking into the reality that I will have to let go of my own little boys one day...that is God's plan and it is good. That these days have purpose; I am preparing them with every word that leaves my lips to receive well or poorly the example of a man their father offers. They watch us, they watch me, they role model, they form conclusions. Both boys want to become a husband, that is the best longterm goal they can muster. A career allows you to provide for a family, it is not their emphasis...being daddy is. They frequently ask about marriage, they pray God is protecting their future wives, they wonder, they argue over who they will marry. I asked Benny what happens after you get married, curious what he had concluded. He said, "well, then you have a wife to kiss you and miss you when you go to work." Jack was a bit more cerebral, "you share your life with the partner God made just for you...oh I can't wait to meet my wife, I hope she has long yellow hair!" Suddenly their preciousness permeates my every thought, I cannot hug them enough or hold tight enough to a little hand that unabashedly grabs mine wherever we are. I am not taking lightly their affections or admissions of love. Our world is about to be rocked by a third little boy who will someday become a man. I cannot wait.