~practice letting go~

I have had this idea for a while, to take a picture of Jack and Ben from the side in the fall, blowing the white, aged dandelion blossoms into the sky. Now that I have Callen, the picture has evolved to all three boys. Of course, I need the proper camera...and the lighting must be just right. I will blow this picture up to ginormous and mount it on canvas. Then the vinyl lettering will spill to the right of this picture and say 'practice letting go'.. The vision in my head may never appear on my wall, but the concept resides in my heart. I dropped Jack and Ben off at 'school' today. I left them there and came home with my one year old baby...I can't stop thinking about them. They will be at school for six hours, SIX hours is a lifetime when you're living it moment by moment, when you have been their teacher for all their lives and now they have someone new to call 'teacher'. My heart aches with change, with growth, with letting go. This has not been an easy concept..as we were driving to school this morning Jack was pained with anxiety...would there be a bully, would he have anywhere to sit, what if he didn't know how to do what the teacher asked him.... Ben was picking his nose and looking out the window. I wanted to slam on the brakes, turn around. They are not ready for school...they are not ready to be away from me for this long; socially, emotionally...even physically considering the poor manners I was witnessing in the back seat. Then it hit me: they are not mine. This is a step toward their future independence. They may be without me for six hours but they are never without God. Practice letting go. Trust Him...

::my most enchanted summer::

The first day of homeschooling is complete. Which means...summer is over. But there are vestiges right out my door; I will probably be watering my plants through October. My beautiful sister's wedding reception loveliness still spills out into my yard. I am actively soaking up every bit of late summer beauty. My Callen baby turned one, both my sisters moved far away, my sweet niece Avy was born. I can't remember a summer this intense, this busy, this joyful. It is a captured time of change tinged with memories bittersweet and lovely. I want to hold on and not let it go.

Budding Life

This tree lives across my street and the weather behind it is indicative of this spring...gloomy. This spring, I am watching this tree everyday for the life that is sprouting from it because this spring that life represents hope in a very personal way. The neighbor who lived in that house passed away on Good Friday, which was also her birthday. Her life and her presence made an impact here that is heavily felt as loss. She remodeled her yard, paid big money to landscape 3 years ago, because as she said, "why not!" she paid extra for this tree to be a bigger, more mature version of itself so that in 3 years {rather than 10} it would be a stunner. That year is here and she isn't here to enjoy the budding branches. But I am. It is hard to be left behind with memories and an ache in my heart. This sweet neighbor may have accepted Jesus in the last minutes of her life, she may be dancing in heaven right now with beautiful spring unfolding in perfection...can you even imagine it?

Regardless of the weather that is ushering this next season, those branches continue to produce green buds that are beginning to unfurl their beauty. I am so grateful for the small quiet gifts of beauty that God gives us in this imperfect world, rememberances of grace and a foretaste of the majesty to come.

JOY in the Lord

Habakkuk 3:17-19

Though the fig tree does not bud

and there are no grapes on the vine,

though the olive crop fails

and the fields produce no food,

though there are no sheep in the pen

and no cattle in the stalls,

YET I will REJOICE in the LORD.

I will be JOYFUL in God my SAVIOR.

The SOVEREIGN Lord is my STRENGTH;

He makes my feet like the feet of the deer

He enables me to go on the heights.

Adrian Rogers says that he doesn't feel that there's any higher praise in the entire Bible than this prayer in Habakkuk 3. (only a portion of it is above) It's a profound praise - absolutely, totally profound. It's a prayer with praise that is full of rejoicing, a joy that endures no matter what comes. That's how I stay together when the world comes apart. Where do I get JOY? Not in all the things of this world that can fail me. I get my joy in the Lord.

Review:::Eternal Encouragements Magazine

I want to introduce you all to my friend...



She arrived back in March as a part of my Gabby Mom's review program. It could be her portable size {9 x 6"} or her imminent readability or her wise counsel, but somewhere in the last two months we got close. She has traveled with me in two different diaper bags, making the cut over later realized necessities...um, like wipes. She has also traveled in 3 different purses and has seen me through lag time at the emissions car place, the doctors office and even a very long check out line at Target. She has been spit up on by my baby and "read" by my 4 almost 5 year old. Imagine her surprise when he found an article about superheroes and took her with him on an impressive leap off of the couch. There was even a week when I thought I lost her and rediscovered her in my bible, snuggled between the pages of 1 Timothy. Its her slim size, I chastised her..

I have been hungry for perspective, its true. It could be because my baby is crawling, my four year old is on the eve of turning five or that my six year old lost his first tooth. They are growing up. I am growing up. Sometimes when that fact mixes with emotion and hits me, I spiral into a desperate need of eternal mindset. Big picture ideas, the intrinsic value of this moment. Thanking God for each moment I get to be a wife and mother devoted to Him. That I have purpose; that the laundry I fold and the dishes I wash matter eternally. That the little hearts that flutter around me during the day will grow up to have impact for Him.

As the evidence mounts in my day to day life that we are evolving and changing and growing, I grab my friend and skip to page #39 and read this poem:

A Mother Who Takes Time

(author unknown)

I hope my children

Look back on today

And remember a mother

Who took time to play.

There will be time

For cleaning and cooking

But children grow up

While we aren't looking.

I thank God for the reminder and then I sink into the next article, so thoroughly enjoyed and highlighted and marked up that the magazine opens right up to Robin McKay's thoughtful words...I counted that I underlined and asterisked 23 quotes that feel pertinent to share, but really it is this sentiment that she captures so well, "have I romanced my child's heart to the point that he is captured by mine? Does he know without question I am prouder than proud of who he is - not what he does or how he acts? Would he choose to be my friend if I were not his mom?...Am I forgetting how blessed I am and how rewarding it is to mother these children, walk alongside this man and glorify God by simply enjoying Him in the everyday experiences of home?" The first time I read those words, I knew I had a friend for life. Good friends remind you of what is real, what is true, they help encourage you on your path and point you back to Jesus. If you are interested in making a purse or bible-sized friend of your own, go here to subscribe for $25.97 per year, plus receive a free gift:
http://www.subscribe.eternalencouragement.com/

Disclaimer:: I reviewed Eternal Encouragement Magazine as an official member of The Gabby Moms blogging program. I did not receive compensation for this post and all opinions are solely my own.

Overrun and Overcome::::installment #1

Its funny how my thinking gradually changes when I am surrounded by males, I heard myself refer to truffles as chocolate meatballs {the boys have fondly renamed them...and it stuck} and I realized I needed an outlet. A place to remember the blessings and adaptations of a life shared with so many males. Here's the beginning to a list of joyful changes that a healthy dose of testosterone can bring:

:::we evaluate shoes based on speed, not style
:::when we fall we don't say "oopsa daisy", we say "that's a good one!"
:::we don't put a band-aid on an owie because that would cover up the 'courage'

Daffodowndilly

She wore her yellow sun-bonnet,

She wore her greenest gown;

She turned to the south wind

And curtsied up and down.

She turned to the sunlight

And shook her yellow head,

And whispered to her neighbour:

"Winter is dead."

- A.A. Milne

Cookie

Last night after eating every bite of his dinner, Jack followed me into the kitchen. I looked blankly at him and then I remembered, 'ohhhh....dessert'. Hmmm. I grabbed a chocolate chip cookie and handed it to him, quickly turning back to the sink to finish the dishes. "Mom!," he grabbed my hand, "I don't just want a cookie, I want an experience." I just love that boy.

His eye is on the sparrow:::A brand new anniversary

I sing because I'm happy, I sing because I'm free..

I am so moved by this song, this concept today, because I am experiencing a freedom this day I never thought possible.

Our hearts, our souls have known freedom through Christ for 5 years, but we have still been in bondage. Wrapped up in mistakes, indulgences and selfish desires we buried ourselves in trouble, we used money to try to fix the broken state of our souls. This insipid prescription very nearly destroyed our marriage and only piled mounds of ugliness on top of the trouble already brewing. We met Jesus and His work on the cross purified us of unrighteousness...He changed our hearts...He saved our marriage...He began the lifelong process of sanctification within our hearts. Through fresh eyes we could see the tangible damage of our sins I remember so clearly the despair, the utter grief that debt brings. I have known forgiveness and still felt deep scars and stains as we walked through the painful consequences of our mistakes.

Today is a new day. What is old is truly gone, what has been made new in the truths of the Lord is here to stay. Today marks our very last payment to the debt that has held us captive.

What a great work that has been done in my heart in this journey. I am no longer desiring the *things* that we had to sacrifice to make bigger payments toward our debt. The chains have been broken. I am so excited to be free to be used for God's kingdom building, not Katie building. I didn't know how emotional this day would be until I heard my husbands words, "its finished." I cannot hold back the flood of emotion, of praise, of gratefulness. God has been so faithful. To Him be the glory.

Eternal Moments E-newsletter:::a review

What is encouragement? ... Do you need some?

This month, through Gabby Moms, we are reviewing the e-newsletter from Eternal Encouragment. Due to a glitch, I didn't receive my newsletter the prescribed way, via e-mail on a weekly basis. I have, however, been forwarded two copies of the newsletter. They arrived together in my inbox, I held off opening them and decided to prayerfully reframe my expectations. It feels shallow to admit my initial disappointment, I tend to put too much emphasis on details and a forwarded copy of an e-newsletter is typically something I would put in the trash bin without hesitation. My mind wondered, can this format really bring encouragement? So, I have spent some time this last week reflecting on encouragement.

I ran an informal poll in my home. I asked my husband and two of my three sons (ages 6, 4 and 6 months) what encouraged them, more specifically what can I do to encourage them. I broke the concept down into something that built them up; made them feel excited to continue; happy. My oldest shared that he feels encouraged when I hug him and kiss him and cuddle with him first thing in the morning. He told me that when I tell him that I love him, he feels like his heart gets bigger and he can't wait to love other people. My middle boy said that he feels encouraged to know that I pray for him before he gets up in the morning, this makes him feel safe and happy and close to God. My husband said that when I affirm him and his decisions he feels encouraged. He also said that the more we communicate and are unified in the details of our lives, the more encouraged he feels. I didn't ask the baby, of course, but noticed how desperately he searches my face for eye contact and once he gets it, he squeals and smiles and responds in every way his little body can.

Their answers made me think. Encouragement is of God. He made laughter and beauty and all wordless encouragements. He created breathtaking sunsets and nature scenery that is so spectacular it gives testament to His glory, and when our heart is quiet it can take in His majesty and be affirmed. He also gave us His word which contains written encouragement, practical direction. Real encouragement contains perspective and carries us back to the plumb line of scripture. It reminds us what is true, gives the big picture and reveals grace in the little picture. As I am following the mandates in scripture, specifically in Titus 2:3-5; loving my husband and children, serving them...I am able to be a vehicle of God's encouragement direct to their hearts.

Now, having processed and revamped my expectations, I was excited to dig into the e-newsletters. I was hopeful to find encouragement to my own heart to better equip me to be a wife and mother who is an encouragement to those I have been given to love. I was not disappointed.

The newsletter sparkles with the heart of the founder, Ms. Lorrie Flem. There are all sorts of tidbits, quick takeaways that offer perspective. I especially enjoyed the Chick Flicks for Moms, a video of Lorrie sharing helpful and practical advice from topics ranging from whining to communication with our husbands. I dove for a pen as I heard her say that our husbands have a 'destination mind' and we must fast forward to the bottom line when communicating with them. She said that God made women to love details and storytelling and men to cut to the chase. We are to complement each other and since God made me this way, I can go to Him with all the details and He would love to listen. That visual warmed my heart and simplified something I struggle with; being an effective communicator with my husband. This point seemed all the more personal since my husband had shared that he feels encouraged when we communicate effectively. Spending time and receiving advice from a woman who has cultivated a lifetime of studying and implementing Gods word into family life is a gift. I fully recommend going to http://www.homemakingwithteach.com/ and subscribing to the Eternal Moments E-newsletter.

**I am reviewing Encouraging Moments as an official member of The Gabby Moms blogging program for Eternal Encouragement magazine. I did not receive compensation for this post and all opinions are solely my own.**

True Treasures; a book review

I am a momma who really loves her life...who really, really loves her life. I love the messy faces that are mine to wipe up, the sticky fingers, the creative homeschool mornings that become afternoons and the mad rush of 4 o'clock. I love the imperfection and trouble shooting that creep into an ordinary day and push perspective and humility into focus. That said, its been a rough month. I found my healthy dose of 'trust in God's sovereign plan for my life' spiraling into the background, becoming a nuisance of an idea really, while my feelings and thwarted plans took center stage. Our christmas was nothing like I planned. We didn't do an advent calendar (gasp!), I didn't make all the beautiful christmas cookies to pass out to the neighbors like I planned. Christmas eve was capped off with a trip to the e.r. ...for me! Christmas came and went, gifts were opened, toys were played with and deposited into the play bin...all without my conscious, meticulous planning. Jesus was born and I was too sick and self-focused to celebrate.

My heart has ached with regrets, my inner sanctuary has felt as cluttered as the leftover christmas decorations and discarded wrapping paper. The transition to 2011 has been vulernable and exposed. And then a bright spot; a life presever of a book arrived, addressed to me and complete with a beautiful tulle bow. I had agreed to be a Gabby Mom reviewer through Eternal Encouragement for this next year, our first mission is this wonderful compilation of 10 years worth of TEACH magazine (now called Eternal Encouragement). I have only gotten familiar with the magazine in the recent past so 10 years of the best articles seemed like a wealth of wisdom. Just holding the book felt like a gift.

I didn't waste any time flipping to the author's welcome and then followed through the book to read each highlighted bio. I know its strange, but I have to familiarize myself with the writer before I read their writing. I want to peer into their life and know their perspective; understand their experience so that reading their work is personal. I was delighted to find author bios self directed and on the outer half of the right pages, this makes for easy finding when flipping through quickly. There is such faith and wisdom represented in the women chosen to offer godly advice. As I read about each author, I was keenly aware that these women had something to offer that I was so hungry for...perspective on this specific season in my life.
The chapter subtitles cleanly broke it down:
Jewels that Make the Heart Sparkle; Marriages of Solid Gold; Parenting Pearls: Practical and Priceless; Homemaking that Dazzles like Diamonds; Homeschooling Nuggets of Wisdom; and Godly Living that Glitters. I found a mission statement of sorts on page 11: "every issue is committed to bringing you encouragement for the path you've chosen: one that the world doesn't always understand! Not only do we understand, but we honor and support your commitment by filling the pages of TEACH magazine with wisdom to encourage you in the main areas of a homemaker's life: spiritual growth, marriage, homemaking, parenting, and homeschooling." Yes!

At a low point for me, this magazine compilation with high spiritual impact and strong scriptural base was provided. Through the pages, I was reminded that being a homemaker is a calling from God. This sometimes thankless work is kingdom work, each load of laundry has importance. I especially appreciated the encouragement to look around and notice the things that I did accomplish today, not all the things not yet done. This season, with three little boys underfoot and homeschooling and laundry and menu planning and committing to give my best time to my husband once the kids are in bed is and will be one of the busiest in my life. The reminder that this is a season and the kids will grow up and I will desperately miss the blessings and the messiness that surround me now, jump started my engine. The wallowing stopped. The articles are spilling over with God's truths, encouragements to young mothers to keep on His path, ideas to make life smoother from experienced hands. This is a true treasure. I found the introduction by Tena Cinnamon to be beautifully scripted and true in my heart: "The words in this book have been collected, sorted and prayed over specifically for you. No, we don't know each of you personally, but our Lord does. ... He works in wonderful ways to knit and tie us all together to bring Glory to His Kingdom and Bride."

You can read more about this beautiful book here: http://www.homemakingwithteach.com/
disclaimer: I received this product for honest review from TEACH magazine as part of The Gabby Moms blogging program. All opinions expressed are solely my own.