God Redeems

See this flower? This beautiful Stargazer lily? This is Scott and my wedding flower. I planted four bulbs in May in a pot outside our bedroom, planning on being all romantic and stuff. Well, they never bloomed. I read on-line that sometimes you have to wait two seasons before a lily gets comfortable and blooms. Okay, I thought, I will wait, it will be worth it.
Yesterday was our six year anniversary...and yesterday this beautiful flower unfurled its hot pink petals to bloom. We couldn't believe it. What an amazing reminder of God's perfect timing. His deeply personal attention to us, His intimate knowledge and the simplicity of soul-deep blessings.

more than a little boy

We met my mom at Starbucks for our official last day of summer ritual...its true, school begins for her tomorrow. Jack got his special summer-with-my-mom-at-Starbucks treat, a chocolate chip cookie and a hot chocolate "to dip the cookie in", of course. Ben got a green Odwalla juice and a cookie and I got my favorite, iced coffee with cream and no sweetener. Bittersweet, this is also the ritual that begins our summer. Jack's eyes got huge and until he swallowed his cookie, I was unsure what the drama was, "Mom, I have to go potty, now!" Okay, okay, I usher him back to the women's restroom (this is such an interesting dilemna with little boys, men or women's restroom, especially when I mainly wait outside), he has me stand outside the door with my shoe and elbow keeping the door from being completely closed, this way he has "privaceny" which is very important when you're almost 5, and he also can keep track of me and know I am right there when he can see my elbow and shoulder inside the door. I peek, of course I do, its my delight as a Mom to see my little guy work through all the necessities of pottying all on his own. ... pulling his pants up too high, deliberating about tucking his shirt, then pulling it back out, flushing, watching the toilet flush with glee, maneuvering his body to get the soap dispenser button pushed and his hands under the soap dispenser in time (this takes 3 tries), then thoroughly washing his hands, singing his ABC's and even getting those crevices between the fingers that I believe are vestibules of germ magnets, then I saw the amazing. I haven't noticed my boys have any interest in their reflection in a mirror, until now. Jack saw the remains of his chocolate chip cookie all over his chin and cheeks and he wet his hands and scrubbed it off. Then he turned his head right and smiled, then to the left and smiled, then he pretend laughed. Then he saw me looking, and completely unembarassed, he turned and took my hand and said, "Mom, remind me to thank God in my dinner prayer for my great smile."

Sugar

I put on my favorite jeans today. I anticipated the tingle of seasons changing as I pulled them up over my knees. My calves and ankles no longer exposed, instead enveloped in familiar comfort, then, snapping the snap and allowing myself the pleasure of anticipating fall as summer creeps to an end. ... But today, they were tight. I should explain, these are not just any jeans, these are the jeans that always fit, my go to when feeling insecure. They have been washed a bazillion times and always stretch into the molded form I expect. I chose these jeans specifically because they keep secrets, and I expected would forgive every indecent snack that has defined my summer. That was the plan anyway. Betrayed! I was immediately flooded with reality, no more my reverie and romantic notioning away summer...I am welcoming fall with tight jeans. I folded my head in my hands and knew it was finally time to confront my nemesis. Sugar.
I embarked on the Prism program (essentially life change, not diet...oh if only, in which you give up all processed foods, especially white flour and sugar in lieu of God-made beautiful food in its most minimally altered state) two and a half years ago. I had great success, and have mostly stayed away from sugar since, tho the other bad boy (white flour) has crept his way back in. Going off of sugar was the most violent withdrawal process I have ever lived through (*dramatics intended). It was six weeks long and frought with headaches, irritability for me and those around me, poor sleep, anxiety, shaking, you name it, miserable. So, why, why, why you ask would sugar EVER come back into my life?? Excellent question. I pose it to myself. My answer sounds pathetic even to me...I love it. Now don't get me wrong, I am more of a salt-tooth than sugar-tooth anyway...giving up potatoes in any form is just darn near impossible. So it takes a while for the more natural allure of sugar to tempt me, two years in fact. Oh, I have dabbled over time, and I have paid with serious migraine headaches, powerful enough to remind me why it just isn't worth it to have had that piece of cake. But this past July, I threw caution and good sense to the wind and had me some cake, some cheesecake, all those brownies and cookies, lemonade, fudge, fudge, fudge, waffles, french toast, biscotti...I caught up. I tasted what I'd been missing. I would announce, "oh, I'm on sugar!" and dive headlong into the frosting (embarrassingly some of you may know to which frosting I refer).

The fun is over sugar.

I have to call the game. I need my jeans back. My apologies in advance, the next six weeks may be rough. I write this with complete resolve and all I can think about is a gooey, caramel laden chocolate cake, three decadent layers unable to hide the buttercream sandwiched within...a triangle of chocolate torte placed on a pool of sweet cream with bittersweet chocolate shavings artfully surrounding raspberries that line the plate....one perfect square inch of rich, really rich milk chocolate fudge, a generous slice of cheesecake surrounded by voluptuous strawberries dipped in chocolate...and my all-time favorite, peanut butter cheesecake in a crushed nutter-butter crust topped with peanuts, served with vanilla bean ice cream. Heaven will have to wait. The battle is on.

Cheeseheads

Yep, there they are. My little cutey pies in Green Bay, Wisconsin. Were we really there just two weeks ago? Wow...are we really back home? I am downing my third full glass of lukewarm water (my body must have been feeling slightly dehydrated, neglected, exhausted, probably all) in but an hour, staring blankly at a carved rock that says, "Paradise" in my windowsill and puzzling the surreal-ness of life on a Sunday evening. Vacation is officially over as all the laundry has now been washed, folded and put away. The sun bleached bathing suits and the eons of white t-shirts are back in their respective drawers...I've emptied the last bit of sand from our suitcases and we've vacuumed out the car. Following on the heels of a wonderfully FAST and jam-packed 9 days of vacationing in Michigan was Scott's 40th surprise party this weekend. I had many, many covert lists going (none in the same or even a predictable spot, however). I had phone calls to make and loose ends to tie up last week as well as re-packing our suitcases for a two day trip to Seattle. Scott was kidnapped by his brothers Friday at 5:45 am on his way to work and taken to Seattle where he had a great time enjoying the emerald city and their mariners. The boys and I followed behind to surprise him Saturday morning at Alki Beach at his birthday party. One of my most favorite moments of the hectic past two weeks occurred in the car as I was preparing to leave for Seattle. My bags were loaded and the boys were fastened in their car seats. I heaved a sigh of relief and shut my door. As I turned on the engine, I heard Jack say, "Um, mama...Benny and I were just wondering, where are we going? What are we doing? Why are my underwear back in that red suitcase?" This was the icebreaker my nerves needed, I laughed and laughed hard and kept laughing and had to turn the car off to catch my breath. In all my secrecy and careful planning I had intentionally kept the boys in the dark, I didn't want them inadvertently telling Scott too much. My good little troopers had piled back into the car for what could have been another round of three day traveling for who knows where. Oh, the simplicity of being a child!!!