30 days of gratefulness ***Day 18

***I am grateful for the words of a stranger. A lovely grandma sat across from me hand-stitching the finishing touches on a green Christmas jumper for a lucky little girl. We were at speech therapy; Jack on my lap, Ben in class, Jack and I were working on vowels and short letter sounds. Ben goes into speech therapy without us now. This has been a hard transition, only for me. Morgan takes Ben into a combined class where she can observe him with peers. I am all for his social interaction developing, however, I miss the constancy of watching her evaluate my boy. To be honest, I need some feedback. It is hard to hand my little boy over for 30 minutes, in this most vulnerable area. God says, 'rest child, he is never not in my hands.' This has provided focused time to have Jack in my lap and work more intently at his skill level. Around us, is the low hum of chatter of other mom's waiting for their child, Jack occassionally bursts out with "aaaaa" or "ooooo" a little too loudly when he has a verbal revelation. I meet eyes with the grandma several times and we smile at each other, charmed with a young learner's thrill of language. As our 30 minutes closes, the grandma puts down her needle, looks directly into my eyes and says with a beautiful New Orleans accent, "darling, you are a good mama." Tears rushed to my eyes and I blinked to hold them back, "wh-what..what did you say" I said, needing her to repeat it, yearning to hear it again. She did repeat it, this time she moved over to me with her hand on my shoulder, "honey, I can jist tell, You are a good mama." I thought immediately of what she had just observed, yes I had been working with my son, but my mind was many different places, I had been thinking about Ben and how he was doing in his class, I was letting myself be sad I couldn't be with him. I wasn't giving Jack my best. I thought of earlier in the morning, when I yelled at both boys because they were busy playing and not moving as fast as I thought they needed to. I thought of how Ben was trying to help me load the dishwasher that morning and I selfishly redirected him so that I could do it more quickly. I thought of how I put them in front of the tv so that I could take a shower and get ready for speech therapy. I thought of the look on Ben's face when he could tell I was frustrated with him for not putting his shoes on in time to go. I am always rushing that child. All these and more flashed through my mind, but she said....I leaned closer and confided, "I don't always know if I am a good mom." My comment was laden with emotion, with need...please tell me more, how do you know I am a good mom, what did you see, did you really see me? "Honey," she said, "let me tell you a little secret from a mama whose raised 4 kids, you are there. You are there. You are givin' God something to work with, child." "Here, give me a little hug." I hugged her tight. This grandma stranger poured into my life something I didn't see that I needed, perspective. In the car, on the ride home, I chewed on that. I am here. I am here. I am here. I am giving God something to work with by being home. All the blessings attached to that reality flooded me with overwhelming thanksgiving to God for the opporuntiy He has given me...

***I am grateful for the schedule God has developed in our home, I know my jobs, He gives me the motivation to make our home run smoothly, and it can run smoothly because I am home.

***I am grateful for my washer and dryer. I am grateful for Mrs. Myers dryer sheets. I am grateful for the triumph of freshly laundered clothes folded neatly in drawers.

***I am grateful that I get to make dinner, every night, for my family. I love to cook. I have all the creative control in my kitchen and I have budding chefs that love to help.

***I am grateful for seeing my time a little differently thanks to a stranger. Because I am home, I have opportunities each moment to pour into my husband, my children, my home itself.

***I am grateful that my selfishness has been pushed to the side burner today and I will look for opportunities to serve my family and thank God that I am home.