30 days of gratefulness *** Day 5

*** I am grateful for friends who open their home and share their good coffee and invest into my children by using the gifts God has given...I am grateful for being welcome to linger too long and soak up beautiful company.

*** I am grateful for the blustery, windy day. The boys exclaimed with joy that the leaves were dancing, and as I paused to watch them skitter down the street I was tickled to see their spontaneous blowing as dancing as well. I am grateful for every opportunity taken to see the world through the eyes of a child.

*** I am grateful for hard lessons learned, and passed. Jack used part of his birthday money to buy Benny a tiny dog (literally an inch and a half tall). Ben delights in closing his fist around his tiny friend and being the "daddy" to this "baby". The dog comes with a little component that can be clipped to a jacket's zipper, but Benny isn't interested in those boundaries, he prefers to hold the puppy. Okay I said, but you must be responsible. "I will, I will!" he assured me. Sure enough, as we meandered through Costco, eating samples and shopping...somewhere, at some point, Benny lost the tiny puppy. We loaded our groceries in the car and knew he was nowhere in the cart or any of our pockets. I trudged back into Costco with the boys, we went down every aisle and asked every kind demo lady we saw if anyone had turned in a tiny, black puppy. No one had. We checked at the membership desk, nothing. As Benny heard the news, his little lower lip popped out and his face contorted into the saddest, silent sob I have ever seen. Then his sob wasn't silent and he was unable to do anything but collapse into a heap on the floor and cry for his little puppy. I carried him to the car, not shushing him, letting him cry, letting him mourn. It was a sorrowful ride home, both boys cried. Jack joined in because, as he said, "Costco is such a big, big place and that puppy is so little. Won't he be scared?" I assured him the puppy would be okay, but for the most part, I just let them cry. As I peaked back at their tearstained faces, they were holding hands. Ohhhhh, my heart just broke. I had irrational thoughts of turning the car around immediately and going to Target and buying another tiny puppy, anything to make that sadness go away. Tears filled my eyes as well as God made clear to me that I was not to do that, but let them feel the loss. This loss was brought on by poor 3 year old logic and irresponsibility, irreverence toward the kind-hearted gift. Some things, though easily replicable are not replaceable. I could buy a duplicate puppy easily, but what would be gained? I have such a hard time looking at a situation with long term vision when the short term moment feels excrutiating. The mom in me wants to alleviate the pain, make it go away, comfort the feelings...but God working through me made this a moment that could be pivotal to Ben. I am grateful for this experience (and grateful it is over) and pray God brings me the moment Ben is ready to receive the conversation and own the lesson.